All Hail Boston Rob, Winner of Survivor: Redemption Island

I did not blog Survivor: Redemption Island this year, expecting it to be as mind-numbingly boring as last season's Survivor: Nicaragua which was won by...anyone?  Exactly.  But I watched every episode because that is what I have done since a certain overweight gay guy sat up a tree and told us all that we might as well write the million dollar check for him right then and there (sadly, not suggesting that the producers deduct the taxes first).  I'm glad I did, because I found this season, though lacking in surprises, to be one of the most satisfying and enjoyable ever.

There were two twists for this twenty-second season of Survivor.  One, was the return of two of the most notorious past players, the pathologically evil-yet-entertaining Russell Hantz and the bad boy-turned- endearing "Boston" Rob Mariano.  The second was the creation of Redemption Island, a place where voted-off castaways would be given a second chance to get back in the game.

I loved the first twist because I recognize that first and foremost, Survivor is a television show and its first requirement is to entertain.  And like them or not, Russell and Rob are two of the most dynamic contestants to ever play the game.  The success of any season of Survivor is about 90% casting, 5% Probst dimples and 5% location.  When, like last season, there is a lackluster cast, no amount of "wanna know what you're playing for" or "Survivors, ready?!" will save it.  So, the producers were smart to ensure that there were two remembered, as well as memorable, cast members.

Bringing back two players did not guarantee that they would be around long to carry the show, as they each came with huge targets on their backs.  And, indeed, Russell was so hated by his tribe that they did the unthinkable -- throwing a challenge just so that they could vote him off.  It turned out to be a $1 million mistake for one of the former Zapatera tribe because they had the momentum, the numbers and the edge going into that challenge.  There is no question that had they not thrown that challenge, it would have been one of their own (if not all from that tribe) sitting in the finals and not riding the jury bench.

But Rob somehow used his voodoo magic, Boston charm or Survivor mind control to convince his fellow castmates to keep him around.  Though he was clearly the biggest threat, though he was the obvious choice to get rid of early, his team instead clung to him like a life raft in the middle of the ocean (rather than the 2 ton anchor he actually was...to continue the metaphor).  Rob made them believe they needed his construction skills to build their shelter.  He had them thinking that, despite them losing challenge after challenge, they shouldn't risk becoming a weak team by voting him out.  He somehow manipulated everyone of them to being a key player on Team Rob.

A great example of just how intellectually overmatched his fellow castmates were, at the finale Jeff asked Natalie why she and the other girls didn't try and vote out Rob when they had the chance.  She, as did Ashley, admitted that she knew Rob had the secret Immunity Idol and so thought it would do no good to try and vote him out.  It is Countering the Immunity Idol 101 that when someone has it, you do whatever you can to force them to play it.  But instead they let him have the benefit of the idol without having to use it until the very last opportunity.  Crazy.

The Redemption Island twist was infuriating.  After "the tribe has spoken" there's a catch??  No, I'm a purist.  Out means out.  But this year...and it appears next season as well, sadly...you had a chance to get back into the game by outlasting the other kicked-off survivors in a series of duels.  It gave us the story arc of Matt the Christian true believer whom God appeared to be carrying all the way to the end.  Matt won ten duels, was brought back in the game only to be voted out again, and seemed poised to make another miraculous comeback, all thanks to God, which would have given the premed student and the almighty quite a story to tell their friends.  But, instead, Matt fell short and all that time on the island seemed in retrospect a cruel joke.

A few observations.  David said during the jury questioning what the rest of us were thinking--no one played a better game than Boston Rob and no one since Richard Hatch has worked harder or more cleverly to come out on top.  Steve and Grant are whiny jerks -- the NFL should be embarrassed.  Phillip did not have to apologize to anyone.  He was interesting and real and was treated horribly by most of the opposing tribe (save for the hirsute hillbilly who redeemed himself with his Phil vote).  Cyclops needs to apologize to Natalie and Natalie's mother for her nasty comments during the jury segment.  The girl is 19, away from home, playing a game for $1 million with people much older than her.  She made it to the end, which 15 others couldn't say.  Julie, go take your bitterness against the cute girl, oh, and your stealing Phillip's trunks, and show us just how classy you really are.  I'm sure your girls are really proud.

It would be easy to discount Rob's masterful play this season as "fourth-time's-the-charm."  But as anyone who watches Survivor knows, it does not get easier the more times you play, your vulnerability actually grows exponentially each time.  It is a testament to his brilliant social game that Rob overcame being the most obvious choice for an early boot to control almost every breath that his tribe took for 39 days.  I have not seen such blind obedience to a male authority figure since Jim Jones.  May not be the most flattering analogy, but it is the most apt.

I'd strongly urge Natalie and the rest of the Omatepe tribe to steer clear of Koolaid for a while.

American Idol Season 10, Top 4 Results Show -- James Durbin Out??

What in the Daughtry just happened? 

I go out of town just once during the entire run of American Idol Season 10 and what do I miss?  Oh, just the most interesting, electrifying and, yes, talented contestant of the remaining four is sent packing.  No, not for a triumphant hometown parade as one of the Top 3 finalists.  Packing as in he's back to doing his own laundry.  What in the what??

In a typical post mortem, you look at every organ, every bodily system to see what failed.  Every so often, the medical examiner will determine that there is no clear cause of death and that might seem like the case here.  James Durbin was well-liked by fans, adored by the judges, treated well by the mentors and producers, had a great backstory and, oh, yeah, he could sing.  But dead he is, at least as far as American Idol is concerned, and so I will explain as best as I can my theory behind his sudden seemingly unexpected demise.

Geller, M.E.

Patient: Durbin, James

Cause of AI Death: Premature coronation combined with excessive, undeserved praise.  Secondary factors, judges' backlash and inconsistent later performances. 

James was a 22 year old white male without a guitar, typically not someone who would survive to the end of American Idol.  Thought he can play, for some unknown reason he did not wield the axe often enough to remind the voters that he fit the criteria for an AI winner.  Indeed, for the past three years, only a WGWG has made it to the end of the show.  His failure to remind viewers that he filled that stereotype was not helpful, but was not a major cause of his demise.

James started out strong, with some surprisingly vibrant, touching, and emotional performances.  But in the last two weeks, he showes signs of strain.  His vocals, especially on the 30 Seconds to Mars song during top 5 week, were shaky, off-key, and erratic.  He bounced back to some extent during his next song, but was overcome with unexpectedly strong emotions which detracted from the vocals.  In the previous few months, he almost never showed any tendency towards being "pitchy" or being anything but in full command of a strong, pure voice.

Some have noted his reliance on screaming and going for the big notes, but that had not shown any signs of injuring him in the past.  They were usually intermittent and had not lasting negative effects -- save for infuriating the Glambert obsessives who declared that there shall be no screamer but Adam and sent their negative mojo to work on James.

No, James appeared robust and able to make it to the end of the competition where he was expected to falter Adam Lambert-style when faced with the overpowering force of a cross-wearing, gramma-loving, God-and-country-singing, Southern-living, country-twanger.  So what killed James Durbin? 

The last two weeks, he was overcome with sure-thingitis.  He believed he was invincible, a lock to make it to the end.  So he stopped worrying about this vocals, stopped taking care that his performances please the audience first (and not just himself).  He went from obscure songs to overdone ones and ignored the fact that each week you have to give the home audience -- and not just your diehard fans -- a reason to support you.  His overconfidence mixed with inconsistent vocals and damaging song choices proved a fatal combination in the end.

While I would not suggest opening a criminal investigation into this matter, I would add that James' demise was not without some questionable circumstances.  Fans of a certain Madam have been supporting Haley Reinhart quite heavily these past few weeks and have been opposed to James taking the place of their dear Adam as the most successful American Idol shrieker.  I wonder whether and to what extent their dislike of James contributed to his early exit.

Footnote:  I should add that I was and still am a fan of James, but even I wrote less-than-stellar reviews of his last two weeks of performances.  I did not for a second believe he was vulnerable as I couldn't, and, frankly, still can't figure out who it is who is voting for Haley.  But I was disappointed with what I thought were subpar performances.  So while his exit was shocking at the time, in retrospect all the signs were there.

But, really, who is voting for Haley?

American Idol Season 10, Top 4 Compete

This is the most important week ever.  Well, since the week where we thought we were picking the Top 10 who would make it on the American Idol Live Tour.  And, of course, there's next week when we'll narrow it down to the final two.  Oh, and the week after that where we crown a winner and Lee DeWyze no longer has to crumble under the weight of that title.  But whoever lasts this week will finally get to meet the deputy mayor of their town and get a newly created key to the city that was hastily glued together for the occasion.

Big, right?

We get two songs from each contestant -- no duets like last year at this time -- the first an inspirational song (please, Jeebus, no "You'll Never Walk Alone" or "My Heart Will Go On"), the second, one from the catalog of some old guys who wrote songs before I was born.  I did say old.

Tonight's show had drama (Haley talking back to the judges), comedy (Scotty worrying that hanging with Gaga was going to condemn him to Hell), tragedy (Haley's hair, Lauren's outfits) and horror (Casey Abrams and Paul McDonald back on my TV screen). 

First up tonight is James Durbin.  James is the most recent unfortunate beneficiary of the tabloid attack dogs who decided yesterday to put a salacious, and misleading, headline on their rag.  Did he know and did the pressure get to him?  Well, he certainly didn't look like he was stressing as he dragged out the most overplayed song of this and the last century, "Don't Stop Believing."  James did not let last week's vocal stumble shake his confidence and he was all cocky bravado and rock star moves as he took on the Journey classic.  He approached the song a la Paul McDonald, like we were popped into the middle of his concert (Cmon, James."Anyone know this song?"  Really?  There's cheesy and then there's taking a mozzarella stick, dipping it in Velvetta, then plunging it into a simmering fondue pot of Gruyere.)

At least his vocals were solid and he has enough youthful enthusiasm and unbridled joy at performing to almost make up for the silliness.  James doesn't need the shtick and I hope someone tells him that soon.  He actually has the best natural voice in the competition and the more stripped down it is, the better it sounds.  Anyone can scream, yell, shout, screech.  If that's all it took to make a good record, you'd lock your singer up in a room of wasps.  The power is in the sublety and there was nothing subtle about this performance.

James was followed by Haley Reinhart who has defied all expectations by making the final four.  I hate the judges' critique that a contestant doesn't know what kind of an artist they want to be, but it almost fits here.  Haley annoyed me when she was the growling sex kitten, yet the last few weeks I've found myself strangely impressed by her confident vocals.  But tonight, to quote my least favorite AI judge, she took two steps back.  Her take on the Michael Jackson weeper "Earth Song" was strained and weak. 

She had no breath to speak of and the only time you could hear her was when she was screaming tunelessly at the end.  She sounded like that nasty old codger in the neighborhood always yelling at the kids to get off the lawn.  That wasn't a vocal, it was an aural assault.  But when two of the judges pointed that out, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson, Miss Reinhart got all "oh no you didn't" and copped enough attitude that I wanted to send her to her room. 



He didn't sing the opening from Mighty Mouse ("Here I Come to Save the Day"), but Scotty McCreery might as well have, because his emotional, tender take on the Alan Jackson 9/11 tearjerker, "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning") brought the show back on track.  He picked the perfect song (it had God AND Jesus in the lyrics -- score), was playing his guitar (so no awkward poses with the mic) and his voice was as pitch perfect as ever.  How he managed to get the Navy SEALS to take out Osama bin Laden to make this song even more timely is impressive! The only question lingering after this performance is how long before he is the next country music superstar.

Last up for the first round was the effervescent Lauren Alaina.  I'll admit it, I have a soft spot for this girl.  She's adorable, talented and totally unaware she possesses the first two traits.  She gave Scotty a little competition for the Bible-belt vote with "Anyway" by Martina McBride.   While I appreciate that Scotty is the real deal, I can't see myself ever buying one of his albums.  While I don't break out in hives when he sings, it could be because I take a Claritin ahead of time, just to be safe.  But Lauren is more current country than Scotty and I think she has great crossover potential.  She's a little bit Dolly, but also a little bit Carrie. 

After the break its time for Lady Gaga to mentor the Idols.  She dresses conservatively for her.  No pants, natch.  But at least she's not wearing food.  And none of her body parts appear more altered than normals.  If she goes outside, the black under the eyes will make it easier for her to catch a pop up, so it's nice to see she comes prepared.

Haley is up first this round and she's singing the rather intense Lieber and Stoller song "I (Who Have Nothing)".  She sounds amazing in rehearsal and the suggestions Gaga gives her (make it more dramatic...imagine that suggestion from the lady who goes on stage covered in blood!) are right on.  Haley does a great job on the show, though her voice was a tad too shaky and thus lacked the punch it could have had.  And she missed the last note by about a mile.  But the judges, feeling guilty or worrying that Haley may be armed this time, lavish her with praise.  I'm sure that won't confuse the young lady at all.

So what happened when Scotty met Gaga?  The queen of the monsters told seventeen-year-old Scotty McCreery to pretend his microphone is his girlfriend and "Put your mouth on that microphone or that... is going to leave you."  She also suggested sticking his tongue down the girlfriend's throat.  Well, that certainly wasn't awkward at all!  He later kisses his cross and says, lord, this is not my doing.  I'm sure God already got the memo on Gaga, kid.  No worries.  Scotty took a hokey song and had some fun, but it paled by comparison to his first song and seemed like a wasted opportunity.  But Scotty is golden, so he can afford a silly number like "Young Blood".

Lauren is getting down and dirty with the song "Trouble."  It didn't suit her.  I'm no prude, but I don't like seeing sweet, seventeen-year-old girls romp around the stage telling us how evil they are.  Lauren didn't even feel comfortable with the lyrics. Good lesson for her...trust your instincts!  Betty White exudes more naughty sexiness than Lauren.  It's just not who she is.  I'm starting to wonder whose idea Lieber and Stoller night was because we have one overwrought song and two silly ones -- not really the body of work you want to pin your entire future on.

The last performance of the night was James doing "Love Potion Number 9."  So Gaga was digging James' vocals, but not so much his lack of sexiness.  So, while his eyes are closed, she goes around behind him and plants a hand on each hip and starts showing him how it's done, Elvis style.  Well, that was less awkward than her moment with Scotty!

I'm not used to James being off key, but I had plenty of opportunities to experience that in the first minute of the song.  But I love the way he finished up the song, holding the audience in his hand and toying with us like we were his little plaything.  The guy can control a stage. 

I'd say Scotty and James are locks to make it to the final three and it's between the girls.  I worry that Lauren splits her votes with Scotty and that Haley fans would not likely be fans of anyone else still in the running.  But her feisty verbal altercation with Randy does not always sit well with the audience.  Conversely, after watching Haley batted around by the judges like Lenny playing with a puppy, the audience may actually come to her defense.  We'll see.  I'm still betting on a Haley ouster tonight.

Who do you think is going home...and not to homecoming?

American Idol Season 10, Top 5 Compete

With just three weeks left in the competition there are many unanswered questions.   No, not who will win.  No one cares and it doesn't matter.  I'm talking about the really important ones.  Like, how many more times will judge Steven Tyler call a contestant's performance beautiful?  How many more times will we be able to hear Randy Jackson name drop someone in the music industry or tell us that someone is in it to win it?  Will we ever see Jennifer Lopez actually write on the piece of paper she always seems to refer to during her critiques? 

The theme for tonight is very wide open -- one current song, one older song.  So song choice should not be a factor as basically everything outside of the eighties and nineties is fair game.  Sadly this means, no "So Emotional" and no "I Believe I can Fly" -- both which would have been right up Jacob Lusk's alley.

Tonight's mentor is Sheryl Crow and, I have to say, she sounded better singing along with the contestants than I've heard her before.  Wasn't much of a fan, but maybe I should give her another listen.  Or maybe this shows just how average the contestants are that we've been building up in our minds the past couple of months?

James Durbin is hitting lead-off with "Closer to the Edge" by 30 Seconds to Mars.  He was excited about singing with Sheryl and it seemed the feeling was more than mutual as she said, "I got to sing with James. I can officially retire now."  I thought it was because he was so good, which he has been in every other performance since we first met him in San Francisco.  But tonight was an utter and complete vocal disaster.  Even in rehearsal he was way off -- sharp, flat, and missing notes in new and inventive ways.

Jimmy Iovine knows nothing about dramatic irony a la Mark Burnett, or he never would have sent James off with the assurance that "I don't think anything can get between him and greatness tonight."  Nothing except your jinxing him!!!  Dude.  You're on a reality show.   You say something like that, James had no option but to fall flat (and sharp) on his face.  I happen to love this song and I thought it would be perfect for James.  But literally from the first note you could tell it was time to brace yourself for a really hard landing.  His voice was weak and all over the place, like a drunk kitten on a trampoline.  When he got to the chorus, he was exhausted from running around the crowd and it showed in his weak and painfully bad vocals.

But what did the judges say after this  mix of the Titanic meets the Hindenburg?  Steven said "beautiful," JLo said "we're feeling it, grab it, take it" (whatever that means) and Randy just had to let us know how cool he is that he's heard of 30 Seconds to Mars and knows who their lead singer is (possibly the hottest man on the planet...discuss).  Wow Randy, you're just so in the know!  Oh, and did you know the James is in it to win it?

I checked with my 30 Seconds to Mars expert and this is what she said, "I listened to 6 seconds.  My ears are bleeding.  He should be sent to prison for this.  I think what he did is illegal in at least 35 states."  So there you go!  Personally, I'm wondering if those pills that Kate Winslet took in "Eternal Sunshine" to help her forget are available because I don't want to ever think back on that performance. 

Next up is new Vote for the Worst favorite Jacob Lusk.  Now that Osama bin Laden has been killed, perhaps we can use our special forces to try and locate who is voting for this guy.  How come every time he speaks I think of that "Hercules, Hercules" moment from the Nutty Professor, as if done by Kermit the Frog?  He's singing "No Air" by Jordin Sparks/Chris Brown.  Of course, Miss Judy/Liza takes the Jordin part, in all his screechy, pitchy awfulness.   

The only other time I've heard sounds like that was on the Discovery Channel and I don't recall if they were coyotes or bobcats, but they were in a vicious fight and on the losing end.  JLo is happy he picked this song and she loves the direction he's going in on his way to the top 3, uh, 2, uh, the finale.  Oops.  Meanwhile Randy disagrees and thinks it's probably not the best choice for a solo artist to sing a duet.  Especially if you're going to sound awful in either voice.  He's not feeling Jacob as a pop artist and invokes Luther Vandross' name like a mystical incantation to ward off evil singing.  Steven says Jacob needs to find a niche and doesn't seem to worry at all that it's near the end of the competition and the judges are still arguing about what kind of a singer Jacob will be.  I know...unsigned.

But wait, the debate is not over, now Jacob weighs in.  He goes combative and shows that unpleasant side that told us all to go look at ourselves in the mirror and he's arguing that he could sing the Carpenters and be current.  The Carpenters?  Just how out of touch is he?

Lauren Alaina comes along on her white horse to come save the show.  She sings like her life depends on it (which after the tepid responses from the judges recently, it might) and wows with a Carrie Underwood song, "Flat on the Floor."  Finally, the Lauren from Hollywood week is back.  She had energy and enthusiam and confidence.  It was fantastic.

Randy thinks she's in it...then he stops.  Well, he's right.  Even Jacob, until he's booted tomorrow (spoiler alert) is in it.  I think he was going to complete the expression until he got a sign from the producers that they're no longer backing Lauren so he should hold off on too much praise.  And you barely see the strings being pulled.  Steven uses niche in a sentence again, but this time in a positive way showing just how versatile he is as a judge and a linguist.  JLo loved her and told her all she needs to do is be perfect like that every week.  No pressure. 

Scotty McCreery was up next with Montgomery Gentry’s “Gone."  In rehearsal everything seems great and on stage it is.  Now, I'm pretending I like country music for the purposes of this recap.  I'll imagine that I like twangy, drawly, good-ol'-boy songs with a fairly simple melody that don't require too much of the singer.  Scotty comes alive tonight.  He is all over the stage, as if filling the vacuum left by both Paul McDonald and Casey Abrams.  Listening to the performance was quite different than actually seeing it with all the distracting facial expressions and mugging for the audience.  Yes it was cheesy, but it fit the song and fit his age.  He is too young to stand still awkwardly holding a mic and I prefer him hamming it up. 

The judges heap praise on him, Steven stammering something about dancing with the devil which, of course, is a good thing in his book (the book, 101 Things to Do With the Devil) and he invokes the "beautiful" word that we've missed hearing for every single review.  JLo says she lost it, whatever it was and Randy says Scotty's in it ... wait for it... to win it. 

Last up is Haley Reinhart and she is singing an unreleased Lady Gaga song, "You and I."  Because Jimmy has pull.  He's Italian and can get things done, capisce?  But is doing a song only people who've gone to Gaga's concerts (which is roughly a third of the population, but still) have heard risky?  Did the risk pay off?   Depends on who you ask.  At first, I thought she was doing a Jason Mraz song, which might explain the "unreleased" part.  Haley tries her best, she puts a nice bluesy spin on the pop diva's song.  But the pitchy gremlin who's been wrecking havoc tonight bops her on the head and she veers off at times.

There's no question Haley can sing, but the song really didn't do her any favors.  JLo agrees with me!  Should I worry??  More importantly, should Haley worry that JLo just said she didn't come out like James and Scotty did??  Oh no, Randy agrees too.  And he apparently doesn't think Haley is in it...for any reason.  Steven says she's just one perfect song away from being the American Idol.  Wow, that's going to make song selection very relaxing if she's here next week.

Then it's time for the singers to hop into the Way Back Machine and sing something from before CDs, illegal downloading, and Autotune -- all things that have conspired to kill music (admit it, your old LPs sound infinitely better than your new CDs). 

James Durbin sings Harry Nilsson's "Without You" and he was an emotional wreck singing the song during rehearsal and it carried over to his teary, shaky performance that took away from the vocals.  I appreciate the sincerity and feeling, but oh how I wish Simon were here just to suggest that falling apart on stage is a bit self-indulgent.  But, don't get me wrong, I'm still a James fan and there were a few really sweet notes that he hit in this song that reminded me why.   Everyone's entitled to an off night.  but it's a little risky to have it when you're singing first and there are only five contestants left.

Seriously, before tonight did you know there was a band named Nazareth?  Me either.  They did that song that we had heard before, "Love Hurts," which is monotonous and whiny.  But not when Sheryl sang it!  So guess what we're going to get from Jacob?  Well, the whiny came first, followed by the shrieky, but the monotonous was close behind.  When he goes for those low notes, I just want to help remove the phelgm that's choking the notes.  As the song goes on, Jacob becomes possessed. to the point that by the last note he just starts randomly making sounds until finishing off calling in the neighborhood dogs. 

Not having to better her first performance was Lauren Alaina who decided to do the Simon Cowell Memorial Favorite Song of All Time, "Unchained Melody."  Maybe it should be called, Untuned Melody.   Get it?  Since she was off key at the beginning.  She eventually pulled it together and it was fine, I even enjoyed her falsetto, but I wasn't digging the growly finish.  I swear, Casey Abrams casts one hell of a shadow, we have people running around on stage and others growling, I just need teeth gritting menace.  Oh wait, Hannibal Lecter is in the audience.  Score!

Scotty sings "Always on my Mind" and I'm reminded that Willie Nelson is an amazing singer who is so unconventional, so wrong, he's right.  This is not the right song for Scotty.  Possibly it's a mistake for someone who could call Justin Bieber "Pops" to sing a song with that much intensity, longing and passion.  Putting aside that he couldn't sell the message, he also went off key in places and when he wasn't flat, he was boring.  Even grandma couldn't come up with anything good to say when, after prompting from Ryan Seacrest, all she said was, "He's my Scotty."  Very cagey grandma.

Haley's wrapping it up with The Animals' "House of the Rising Sun."  It's a great song and there isn't a snowball's chance in Sacramento in the summer that any judge will ever say wrong song choice.  She starts a capella and the concept was eerie and cool, but Haley's high notes are not working for me.  If I had one of those rating dials I'd have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome by now, turn to the right for the lower notes, which are a mixture of honey and whiskey, smooth and a little dangerous.  When she sings the middle part of the song, she nails it.  But then it's back down to the left with the dial for the high, piercing notes.  Haley has a great voice, but she needs to learn its strengths as well as its limitations.  But it was an electrifying performance on a night that was up for grabs and I can see Haley as the new front runner.

No bottom/top this week... Jacob is going.  James has a huge fan base and has been so great up till tonight's stumble, so he's not going anywhere despite his unfortunate first performance.  For the record, I checked the iTunes version and it sounded pretty good. 

That's all folks!

NBC's The Voice -- Episode 2

The first episode of this new entry into the reality TV talent show genre was unexpectedly great.  The four coaches showed a lot of personality and the talent was seriously stellar.  Only the personality-less Carson Daly (making one wish for a Dunkleman comeback) cast a shadow over an otherwise bright debut.  Could tonight's second episode of The Voice measure up?

Well, yes and no.  The judges were still adorable in their bickering.  But the quality of the talent did not reach the levels of the first week...in fact, there was not one contestant chosen by all four coaches.  Meanwhile, Carson apparently took some lessons from the Chris Harrison-Ryan Seacrest handbook and learned how to deliver the "shocking rose ceremony/results" type intro with just enough faux intensity and concern. 

So first up is Melinda Doolittle, a background vocalist who wants to step out of the shadows and... what?  Oh, nevermind. It's Cherie Oakley, a background vocalist who wants to step out of the shadows and into the spotlight.  She decides to lasso her aspirations to a Miranda Lambert song, even though the only country music coach up there just happens to be ... let's delicately say intimately familiar with the original artist. 

I think she does a good job with Gunpowder & Lead.  I'm not jumping up and down (which I would only do metaphorically since otherwise it would look really weird), but I think she had a decent enough voice and a good stage presence.  Not surprising, since he doesn't want to sleep on the couch after this episode airs, Blake Shelton passes.  But Christina hits her buzzer at the last moment, just as Cherie is ratcheting up the histrionic, over-the-top flourishes to near Aguilera-like proportions.  Once again, Cee Lo was sad to see he passed on a cutie.

The next guy, a Kevin Corvais doppelganger -- did this show want so many American Idol comparisons?-- says it's either be a singer or go to med school. When asked where the med school idea came from Devon Barley says his dad, Dr. Barley.  Oh, that's sweet, his dad is a doctor, maybe a heart specialist or a brain surgeon, maybe an ENT.  Wait, what was that?  He's a chiropractor?  Yeah, I can see why his son would want to try singing instead. 

So Devon sings the catchy "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz and he has a smaller obstacle to overcome since, as far as we know, no one is currently involved with Mraz.  Devon has a nice throaty, breathy quality when he sings that could be cool. But when he goes for the big notes, he can't back them up.  The guy needs to eat his Wheaties...bulk up a little.  Barry Bonds, you're a buff guy, what would you suggest?  What's that stuff that makes your head grow?  Don't worry, there's no steroid testing in music -- primarily because only Henry Rollins would be under suspicion.

Still, two people buzz in for him, Adam Levine and Cee Lo Green, and though there's not as much hard core campaigning as last week, Adam does give him enough love to make the choice easy.

The next one up is Joshua Scott Hand.  He thinks he's hysterical because he speaks slowly, in an exaggerated fashion, and uses obvious physical gestures to try and sell what he thinks are jokes.  At first I have no idea what he's singing...until he gets to the chorus and I can finally make out it's Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi."  Not a good sign.  There's putting your own twist on a song and there's singing so poorly that the song is unrecognizable.  He falls into the latter category and is gone. 

Raquel Castro is 16 years old, but when she talks she sounds even younger. She nervous about singing in front of her idol, Xtina, but she's a tough Jersey girl so she's going to soldier on.  She sings "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis and the nervousness is apparent at first...she can barely catch her breath.  She's hardly singing at first, but by the time she gets to the chorus (which, for the record, is really monotonous and annoying) she gets stronger.  She starts belting her little heart out, going after notes whether or not they fit the song or are in her range, but it works and Christina turns around. 

Emily Valentine from Hollywood is next.  We don't get to see her at first, so we can play along with the judges.  But we're given a few hints by her saying that people who judge her by her appearance end up surprised, so we know something's up.   She sings Pink’s “Sober" and it's one of those great songs that would make almost anyone sound good.  So when she does some runs at the end of the first verse that are so off key it acutually makes me wince, I think she's not going to make it.  But, with the lesson of this show (and American Idol, I'm looking at you Lee DeWyze) being "tone" is more important than "pitch," two of the four judges choose her.  Welcome to the Autotune age!

When we see her she's very blond, a slightly less attractive Gwen Stefani, but cute.  And covered in tattoos.  There's a little battle for her, even with Christina pointing out the obvious problems with staying on or anywhere near key, and Cee Lo and Blake Shelton vie for her affection.  Blake uses the argument that he likes her more since he buzzed in first, but like every other overly enthusiastic suitor, he is rejected for the guy who seemed less desperate, who needed a little more convincing.  So she goes with Cee Lo.

We are quickly informed that Cee Lo also gets Niki Dawson, who sang Katy Perry's Teenage Dream, while Blake was the only one who picked Sara Oromchi who sings (well, from what little I can hear), John Lennon's "Imagine."  Either these two girls don't get to voting rounds, or The Voice is also copying the idea of producers' manipulation from American Idol.

Tim Mahoney is one of those contestants that the show will remind us repeatedly "is what this show is all about," meaning he's at the age where he probably needs reading glasses, he's not super attractive and has been trying in vain for longer than most of the viewers have been alive to make it in the music business. It's a sad, but not at all uncommon story.  And it begs the question, how long do you keep chasing your dream?

He sings “Bring it on Home to Me," originally sung by Sam Cooke. His voice is passable, and I fear he's going to be disappointed, then Adam buzzes in, rather quickly.  Adam makes a face when he turns around as if what he is seeing isn't what he was expecting.  That's the premise of the show, dude.  No one else buzzes in, which was not surprising as there was nothing unique or memorable about the performance (except for how unattractive his hat was...that may stay with me for a while).  Funny thing. Turns out, Adam thought Tim was a chick.  That's why he hit his buzzer so fast....that was a cool sound to be coming out of a girl. Not so much a guy who was born before the Watergate scandal.

But the two of them will be a match made in heaven since both of them sing like girls but have penises, which Adam was nice enough to point out for all of us, not unlike Boy George and Cher.  So after some more discussion about male genitalia, they finally figure out there's not much to talk about as Tim has no choice to make.  He's on Team Levine.  Good luck with that one, Adam.

Julia Eason sings Duffy's song "Mercy" and I realize that I used to think it was an Amy Winehouse song.  Anyone else?  Julie is really cute and she has an okay voice, but it sounds so much better because of the song.  I'm thinking in the future they should have the contestants sing their ABC's or Happy Birthday or The Star Spangled Banner or something else that no one sounds good singing.  Cee Lo and Xtina both love her...and I'm not getting it.

The next contestant to make the Miranda Lambert faux pas is Angela Wolff.  She sings the future Mrs. Shelton's “The House That Built Me" and unless she was able to make a blind person see or Christina's roots come in blond, she was not making it out of the audition alive. 

Next is Tyler Robinson from Folsom, California.  Blake Shelton humorously claims to have never heard of the city that's home to the famous prison that even more famous Johnny Cash sang about famously.   So, Tyler is gay and out on national TV but not out to his dad.  Maybe his dad is a Luddite and he'll never know.  Or maybe he's watching Dancing With the Stars and has something to tell his son, too. 

Tyler commits a bigger crime than wearing that really unattractive jacket -- he sings Train's "Hey Soul Sister."  In the chat room tonight it was agreed that there is no such thing as a good version of that song (and I tried to pimp Street Corner Symphony's version to no avail).  Blake has a momentary seizure which causes his hand to involuntarily attack big round red things and suddenly this not really talented guy without much talent is on his team.  Thank goodness for cuts!

Next up is a big hairy teddy bear from Austin, Texas named Nakia who is also gay and also ballsy...he sings Cee Lo's "Forget You."  This apparently isn't the poison that a Miranda Lambert song is and Cee Lo and Blake both want him.  I'm not surprised.  While he may not have the best voice I've ever heard, he has presence and personality in abundance.  He's a showman with a good enough voice.  Blake makes an unfortunate joke trying to dissuade from going with Cee Lo, saying that he dresses like a peacock.  Not exactly something will turn off a gay guy.  I'm just sayin'.  Not at all surprisingly, the immensely entertaining Nakia goes with Cee Lo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAXuP7p6RHE

We quickly learn of two other selections -- a girl named Serabee who sang “Son of a Preacher Man" and was picked by Blake and the stereotyped "goth-rocker" chick Casey Desmond who performed Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way."  Was it just me, or did Adam's, "you're mine, awesome" to Casey not seem all that enthusiastic?  Was it the flaming read hair, the unfortunately heavy handed blush or the neon green eyeshadow that discouraged him?  Justin Grennan sang Train's "Drops of Jupiter" and was picked by Christina as her team's first male member.  That's right, I said it.

There was a quick medley of people who didn't make it, complete with some tears from Christina. 

Dia Frampton is nervous as she's about to sing Colbie Caillat's "Bubbly."  She sings about two lines and Blake hits his buzzer.  Apparently he's really excited to hear a girl not singing a Miranda song.  Dia's voice is quirky, but not in a cool way.  I don't know if it's just nerves, but she's all over the place. She starts doing various vocal flourishes that make is sound like she's gagging or choking.  She has a weird vibrato and an odd falsetto...so of course, she gets two coaches' votes!  But they're rewarded because she's cute as a button.  She has to pick between Cee Lo (who may need to stop off at the Human Resources office to pick up the sexual harrassment pamphlet) and the spoken-for Blake and she wisely chooses Blake. 


Curtis Grimes wears a cowboy cat and is singing "Hillbilly Bone" by...uh oh...Blake Shelton. Will he be as overly protective of his own music, as he is Miranda's?  Curtis says, "If Blake doesn't push the button for me, I'm going to run up there and push it for him."  Foreshadowing, party of one?  Well, I don't know the original, but this is really sleepy.   He's singing all the notes just fine and he has a nice country twang, but there is no electricity at all in his performance.  It's just blaht.  Cee Lo gives his a mercy push...and Blake doesn't touch his.

Blake explains what was missing from the performance -- cockiness.  That makes sense.  So while agreeing that Curtis can sing well, he didn't think he had the intensity for the song.  I actually agree with him, I think the Curtis-Cee Lo  pairing may be brilliant. Curtis has the voice, he just needs the swagger and maybe Cee Lo can help him find that.

The last to audition are the Thompson Twins...well, actually, they're sisters Tori and Taylor Thompson and close in age, but not twins.  Close enough.  They sing the Sugarland hit "Stuck Like Glue" and do a terrific job, especially on their harmonies.  And they're cute, and one is brunette and one is blonde, and they're confident on stage.  Watching the coaches as they slowly figure out it's two singers, not one, is priceless.  But it looks like our pig farming sisters are heading back to the farm until Cee Lo comes to the rescue!  After they all turn around, suddenly everyone is all positive.  I don't know what their hesitation was.  I think Cee Lo will have fun with this group.

So that's the last competitor so goodbye, we'll see you next week. What?  Oh, not everyone has a full roster.  Whaaaaat?  In fact, Adam only has six contestants he needs two more!  So they decide to give some of the contestants they passed on a second chance to make a more tuneful first impression.  For some, that means a second rejection which means that any effort to come up with a non-hurtful excuse for their failure is now out the window.  You didn't pick the wrong song, were too nervous, were too similar in style to someone else, you sucked.  Ouch.  Althought Sonia Rao takes it very well.  Kudos to her parents for raising her with enough confidence that the Entertainment Industry BS doesn't get her down!! 

But not experiencing this double blow is Lily Elise who had made Christina cry earlier.  She starts out singing lower than I would think was possible, unless she borrowed Tim's penis and does a decent job with Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You" and they're both all excited that Christina "got her back."

Jared Blake singins "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks and I love his voice.  Great raspy, Hootie-ish sound.  Blake pickes him and is genuinely happy, saying "I got my guy."

Adam is the last to fill his team and unless a hermaphrodite is auditioning, will he find anyone he relates to?  Casey Weston sings "Stupid Boy" by Keith Urban and she reminds me a little of Crystal Bowersox, barefoot, folk-rocker who will turn country when her first album sells okay but doesn't exaclty excite mainstream radio.  She's the second to last member of Team Levine.

Angela Wolff will not be singing another Miranda Lambert song, this time she takes on "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele because we haven't heard enough covers of that song recently.  Adam picks her up before she even goes for the glory notes.  She is so excited and so isCee Lo because she's another "pretty girl" and even if she's not on his team, at least he gets to see her around the set.  Rawr.

So the auditions are over after just two episodes, now it's time for the battle rounds.  If only they were preceded by the host elimination round.  I'd watch that on pay-per-view.