BurnThis: Survivor Season 33: Millennials v. Gen X

Previously on Survivor: Let me explain about tribal council. Shut up Dave. At least the idol is back in play. Look what I found, again. Drop your buffs. Jeff, oh hell no. Taylor&Figgy4Ever. 2 out of 5, that's the bad news. You played for Oklahoma, I love Oklahoma! That's the good news. Gen Xers are useless. Michaela makes fire like a boss. You didn't vote for me, Ken, but I'm totally giving you my legacy advantage cuz you're hotter than Dave. CeCe's swimming through molasses, Dave makes CeCe look like a comp beast. Michaela is a comp beast. I trust my old Gen X tribe. Wait, what?

You gotta love Zeke. He's as shocked as the rest of us that the Gen Xers last week actually agreed to vote out one of their own rather than try to even up the numbers before the merge. With age wisdom does not necessarily come, Zeke. Dave was so excited that he wasn't the target, and was so wary of being choked out on national TV by someone the size of a refrigerator, he of course eagerly jumped at the idea of sabotaging a former ally. Chris was so butt hurt about being blindsided repeatedly by his old tribe that he rather ditch them and go with the Millennials who will cut him the first post-merge vote. And he was so happy to have a fanboy in his new tribe, someone who would not just figuratively look up to him, that he had no trouble deciding to lose a number. It may be hard to play with your head and not your heart, but I think Chris will be showing us shortly why that is a tactical mistake. But for David, the betrayal was a no brainer.

Whatcha got there?

Over on the green beach, Jay and Will rightly assume that there is an immunity idol hidden somewhere. They go searching together because Will is too young to be allowed to roam free unaccompanied on the island. Insurance company rules. They find the idol, though Jay takes possession of the idol and if Will ever needs it my guess Jay's response would be, roughly, "Idol, what idol?" And not unlike Hannah coming upon Adam when he found his tribe's immunity idol, Michaela manages to show up right when the two guys are celebrating their find. They may all be from the same original tribe, but it is noticeable that the two guys were not thrilled with Michaela being in on the secret. For her part, Michaela will sit on her discovery. For now. Bwahahah.

"I think the truth works well in this game," said no one in 32 prior seasons of Survivor. But Michelle tells Jeff just that as the explanation for why it's perfectly fine for Figgy to tell all the other castaways just how close she is with Michelle and how happy she is that she wasn't voted out the night before. Michelle just escaped elimination but she's not worried that her strong ties to the former Millennial tribe will come back to bite her. But this strategic mistake is put aside for the moment as the orange team very quickly agrees that they made the right decision in keeping Michelle as she leads her team to victory at the Reward Challenge. David should be particularly grateful as he basically Davided the competition by failing to follow, or seemingly even hear, her shouted instructions, wandering aimlessly, flailing his arms during most of the challenge. A move that is also known as the David.

But when you think the orange team may have forgotten what Figgy said, it comes up again courtesy...Michelle. This girl must feel pretty confident. As the orange tribe enjoys the fruits of their win (which is so much better than fruit - cookies and brownies!!), they joke about Figgy's reaction to seeing that the two Millennials escaped last night's tribal council. Michelle is safe! Thank you lord! Woohoo Yippee, Yahoo, Yay, OMG. Oh, and Zeke is still there too. Cool. So Zeke is reminded that his status among the Millennials is still at the very bottom. He tells us that he is more than willing to cut Michelle if he has to, so he can be a central cog in a new Millennial/GenX alliance rather than likely first sacrificial lamb of the old Millennial one.

While most of the castaways were running around, competing blindfolded, during the Reward Challenge, Hannah manages to work herself into a mild panic attack. She's embarrassed how this will look on TV and concerned that it might make her an easy target if her tribe has to vote someone out. There is some irony that the person needing the medical attention was sitting on the bench during the competition and that the medical intervention needed consisted of telling her to breathe more slowly. But even the snarkiest of us who watch Survivor should never mock someone's emotional (over)reaction until we've walked a mile in their buff. Hannah's "you're not going to let me die," was pretty funny. Plus, it seems like a good thing to say to a doctor, just in case they forget what they're there for.

So Figgy decides that she hasn't said enough to damage her status in the game yet, so after going on about just how close she is with Michelle she thinks it's time to tell Jessica and Ken that she and Taylor are a thing. "We're a power couple and there's no reason to hide it." Well, she soon learns they hadn't been hiding it and everyone was on to them. As both Jessica and Ken tell her, she's not very good at keeping secrets. But she is unconcerned. FigTayls is safe because "Adam is on our side." And somewhere, the music composer wanted to add a "wah, wah, wah" at the end of that sentence.

The Immunity Challenge is another opportunity for Michaela to show Ozzy, Malcolm and Mike there's a new superplayer in town. The girl may bark orders, and may not be too concerned about her teammates feelings, but she knows what she's doing. Her team started from behind, thanks, shockingly, to David, but she flew through the maze with a successful strategy. Get Hannah to do and say as little as possible and take over the bulk of the task. In fact, Michaela is so good at this comp that she was able to help the orange tribe win and avoid back-to-back tribal councils. As Brett said of Michaela "There's nothing you can't do." And the legend grows.

This leaves the purple tribe having to vote someone off. When Jeff pointed out to Michaela that it was curious why she would help one tribe and not the other she said, of the purple tribe, "There's three of you (Millennials). If you can't figure out how to work it out, you deserve to go home." #foreshadowing #famouslastwords #she'sright

So you're cool with us voting you out, right?

Taylor and Figgy are not too concerned with tonight's vote. Obviously, you target Ken as he's a physical threat going forward. Adam will vote with them because...numbers. Who wants to be on the bad side of the Millennials going to a merge? They're sure of his vote. Even when prodded by the producers to consider that maybe, just maybe, Adam might go a different way, Taylor gives a small obligatory soundbite. "Maybe Adam is double-crossing us and is way smarter than we think." But then he laughs at the very thought. How could that Stanford-educated guy who's watched every episode of Survivor since before Richard Hatch stripped down to his birthday suit be smart about the game?

But they failed to look at the facts from Adam's perspective. Adam was on the outs at the Millennial tribe. He and Zeke were the bottom two of nine. They had tried and failed to break up the romance and that sealed their fate with their old tribe. Now FigTayls want to be his friend because they need him for the numbers, but he knows where he stands with them. And a romance, showmance, or any kind of mance (as he calls it) is too risky to have in the game, even if they were on his side. Which, Adam knew, they were not and would never really be.

Plus, when Adam had to consider voting out Ken, one look into Ken's soulful blue eyes told him that would be impossible. No one is immune!

At tribal council, Figgy and Taylor try to play off the importance of their relationship. They're just two votes, like Jessica and Ken are two votes. There's nothing unique about their relationship. So she looks at you Adam just like she looks at Taylor, asks Jeff. Adam quickly rejects that notion. At no time has Figgy looked at Adam like he was a a double cheeseburger and she was just coming off a meatless Lent. Adam knows that among two person alliances, one is closer than the other. Way, way, who packed the condoms, closer. Plus, Figgy did herself no service reminding Adam that she hasn't forgotten that he voted against her twelve days ago. The "we're all good now" story she tried to sell was belied by the fact that with all that was going on, she was still bringing up his vote from day six. And the hand clamp on his head solidified that Figgy still may be just a wee bit pissed about that vote. She's not going to like Adam's next vote any better.

When Adam tells us that one person is going to go home mad and someone else is going back to tribal mad, we know then what his decision is. And mad will not due justice to Taylor's emotions after losing his favorite plaything on the island. Figgy burned bright but for too short a time, a victim of island fever. Will her boo get his revenge? Adam should sleep with one eye open.