Now that I'm done channeling the latest castaway to leave Survivor, "John Rocker's girlfriend" Julie McGee, let's look at what happened on last night's let down of a show.
Things started well enough, with the two tribes merging at twelve, having a feast which made Hunahpu's decision to forfeit their luxury items for rice even dumber. Surprisingly, there was no clue to an immunity island stuffed in any of the buffs or underneath any of the food or, if there were, this group probably ate it.
After settling and and coming up with a creative new name for their tribe (insert eye roll). Merging the two names together like they're coming up with a new showmance name may, and I'm going out on a limb here with the may, have been a cool idea once, long ago, but now it's just lazy. What happened to creativity, like when Malcolm famously fooled his castmates on Survivor: Caramoan, telling them when he suggested a new tribe name of Enil Edam that it meant "new beginnings" when it was really his mom's name spelled backwards.
The survivors did some quick calculation and saw that there were four singles and four pairs. Alec thought that meant there were eight people left, but everyone else grasped the math. Keith, who had been odd man out on the Coyopa tribe, was reunited with his son Wes and was now in the majority. Jeremy, who had been sitting pretty on Hunahpu, was now in the minority. It would be very easy for the couples to eliminate the singles and then duke it out when it got down to the final eight.
Jeremy knew he had Missy and Baylor and that they would come back over to him, joining with Natalie and Julie. That was only five, so Jeremy immediately reconnected with Jon. He warned him about how Josh is running things and that he and Reed had Alec and Wes and Keith. If Jon and Jaclyn joined Jeremy's group, the seven could then vote to get rid of Josh, who is the biggest threat in the game. Jeremy easily locked up Jon,
Jeremy was right to target Josh, because the only person playing harder than Jeremy this season is Josh. He pulled Wes and Keith over to join Josh, Reed and Alec. That was only five, so he went to his former ally Baylor and asked her to bring her two votes over to get rid of Jeremy. Baylor was all for that - despite the fact that Josh had voted against her, despite the fact that Josh had lied/withheld information from her and despite the fact that she had already told us in a confessional that she couldn't trust Josh any more, he easily charmed her right back into his web.
When Baylor told her mom her intention of joining up with Josh's group against Jeremy, Missy shut that down. Just because she's been married and divorced three times doesn't mean that her choices are in any way suspect or that Baylor shouldn't follow her decisions blindly. She's the mom and she knows best.
But have no fear, Josh fans. All is not lost. He doesn't need Missy and Baylor, if he can pull in Jon and Jaclyn. Sure, Jon was allied with Jeremy since the start. Sure they reconnected immediately following the merge. Sure, Jon agreed to join Jeremy and vote off Josh. But all you have to do is wave something shiny in front of Jon and his memory is wiped clean. He's then susceptible to whoever speaks to him next. So Josh and Reed do that, and within seemingly seconds, Jon flips and flops his way over to Team Josh.
Meanwhile, the post-feast satisfaction is starting to wear off and people are looking for scraps and suddenly someone remembers that there was leftover trail mix. Julie is sitting off away from the tribe, munching on some dried apricot, as she says in her confessional that she grabbed the trail mix and put it in her bag and possession is 9/10th of the law and hiding something so no one knows you have it is the other 1/10th so she's going to keep it for herself.
Only the rest of the tribe goes CSI: Huyopa and start to figure out the missing food must be in someone's bag and after eliminating all the other options of where it could be they zero in on Julie's bag. Lo and behold, what do they find? Not lipstick, eyeliner, a hair straightener, blush, conditioner, an eyelash curler, and tweezers, nope it's the missing trail mix. Instead of getting a lynch squad to go after Julie, they scoop out all the munchable goodness from her bag and have a mini feast in her absence.
Julie comes back to the camp and she realizes that they discovered her stash (possibly it was their askance looks, possibly it was the fact everyone had nut breath, or maybe it was the fact that Alec actually mentioned trail mix out loud in front of her). But whatever it was, Julie knows she's in trouble big time.
But first, it's time for the Immunity Challenge and it is not one that necessarily favors one gender over another. It requires balance and strength and concentration and the most surprising thing other than old man Keith winning is that Jeremy went out first. As he noted in the post-challenge confessional, it wasn't just that he went out first, but who outlasted him. Julie, for goodness sake. Julie. That hurt the most.
Keith, who had earlier forgotten it was his son Wes' birthday, was head to head against his son at the end and, with the chance to make that up to him he, like a good dad...held on and whooped his kid. Yep, no throwing the challenge to your son whose birthday you forgot and who doesn't have a hidden immunity idol. Keith is playing to win.
It's scramble time and without immunity, and not knowing whether Baylor can get Missy to come over, Josh has some work to do. He and Reed focus on getting one, if not both, of the other duos over to their side. Reed strikes the right note by warning Jon that Jeremy is targeting the pairs. Baylor also is softened up by Josh and it's possible she may convince her mom to vote against Jeremy.
Things are looking bleak for Jeremy. He won't be able to go back to the firehouse having lost the first immunity challenge to an old man, a mom, and John Rocker's girlfriend. He then makes the #1 mistake on Survivor, telling the camera that even though he doens't have immunity he feels pretty good about his alliance and is sure that Josh is going home.
At this point I'm getting ready to say goodbye to my favorite player this year, Jeremy, and tip my hat to my new favorite, Josh, who will now coast to victory. Only, Julie has something to say about all of this.
She's tired, hungry, she misses "her boyfriend John Rocker," and what's worse, no one likes her. No one ever likes her because she's pretty. Even sunburned, without any facial products or a professional blowout, they still don't like her because she's pretty. She's on the outs and probably the next one to go home, all because she's pretty. And maybe because of the whole laziness/trail mix stealing thing. But mostly, because of the pretty.
Missy tries to talk her into staying, but fails to appreciate what buttons need pushing. Tell Julie that she wants to show everyone how strong she is, how capable she is, how more than two boobs and a pretty face she is. Tell Julie that "her boyfriend John" will love her more, put a ring on it, if she hangs in there. Tell her no one wants to date a quitter, even if they made the merge. Nope, Missy tells her, basically, that if she quits, she's hurting Missy's game.
Surprisingly, that doesn't change Julie's mind.
Jeff comes over and tries to talk her into staying. He does almost as piss poor a job as Missy. He doesn't get incensed, doesn't insult her, doesn't tell her she'll be dead to him, dead to the Survivor family and a complete embarrassment as a human being. He gives here a lukewarm scolding then, pretty quickly, accepts her decision to quit the game.
He then goes to tell the Huyopa tribe the good/bad news. The good news is there's one less mouth to feed, Julie can rush back into "her boyfriend John's" open arms, and they won't have to help her through any rainy days or Mondays, which always get her down. The bad news...there is none! Because no one had Julie in their Survivor pool and no one is threatening not to watch any more if she is gone.
Jeremy thinks this is bad news for him, not realizing he was about to get his torch snuffed. Josh realizes that it's not the best news for him, since he was well positioned to get rid of his biggest threat, but at least there is one less single and it now only takes six votes, not seven, to win the next tribal vote. So he and his fellow successful Broadway star should be able to get rid of that pesky firefighter next time around. Assuming, Jeremy doesn't figure out how to win an immunity challenge next time around, or at least beat the old guy and the mom.
Jon (referencing the famous Kat quote from BvW 1): We can still date each other, we made it to the merge.
Jeremy: I was out before Julie. I was out before Julie.
Jon (about Julie): She's selfish and she's awful.
Keith (4) Jeremy (4) Jaclyn (2) Reed Jon (4) Julie (5) Wes (2) Josh (8) Baylor Missy (2)