Recapping Survivor Blood v. Water San Juan Del Sur Episode 3: John Rocker lives up to his reputation

It only takes two tribal councils where her name is written down for Baylor Payne to realize she may not be in the best position on her tribe.  With only two girls remaining on Coyopa, and she being the physically weakest, it's time for Baylor to scramble.  But what she doesn't realize just how lucky she was that Josh Canfield was paying attention back at camp and how his quick thinking, and second straight tribal council vote switch, saved her.  She was smart to try and pair up with him early and, even if he can't be trusted farther than she can throw John Rocker, he's a good ally to have.

Josh is playing HARD.  He watches what goes on around camp, who is talking with who, who has the numbers, how the next few votes would go.  He is paying lip service to being part of the guys' alliance, but he is the founding and sole member of the Josh alliance.  The only problem with his game so far is that he's had to explain his shady behavior too much already and after just six days he already is seen as someone who will go rogue.

On Hunahpu, you would think life would be great  They haven't lost a challenge and they're still enjoying their shiny new piece of flint whick will keep the home fires burning.  But this wouldn't be Survivor if everyone sat around singing Kumbayah.  So we have Drew Christy, aka Sleeping Beauty, aka Douchey McDoucherson, lazing around the camp while everyone else works on improving their shelter.  He actually finds weaving palm fronds too taxing.  He has violated one of the cardinal rules of Survivor, he is standing out (technically lying down) and being the subject of conversation.  In an otherwise cohesive, tranquil tribe he is the odd man out.

While we're talking about violating basic Survivor rules, John puts his enormous foot in his even bigger mouth by telling everyone at Heroes' Arena that he had made a deal with Jeremy Collins while they were both on Exile Island to protect his wife, Val, that he tried to execute that plan, and that he failed.  Now his tribe knows that he had tried to form a side alliance with someone on the other side, failed to tell them about this alliance, and was working with Val.  Tangentially, they also know that having John on your side does not guarantee you another day in the game.  And Josh knows that his suspicions were correct and that John is a weak link in the guys' chain.

It's time for the Reward Challenge and Coyopa picks first and they decide to have Wes Nale take on his dad Keith in a challenge where balance, stamina and focus are the key.  At first, unexpectedly, the elder firefighter takes the lead, but he fatigues and is passed by his son, who gives Coyopa its first (narrow) victory of the season.  Keith tears up and at first you don't know if he's upset that he lost or that he's not able to keep up with his son, but Jeff Probst gets him to admit that he's proud of his son and that gets Wes to tear up as well.  Awww.  From Jeremy's stunned and hurt reaction to seeing his wife had been voted out, to the hug between Wes and Keith, the heart-string pulling Blood versus Water twist is one of the best Survivor has come up with.

Back at the Hunahpu camp, Julie McGee storms off sulking about what Jeremy said about "my  boyfriend John."  She's worried that "my boyfriend John" will now be targeted at his tribe.  I think she should be worried how stupid she looks repeatedly referring to him as "my boyfriend John."  She should also be worried that now absolutely everyone knows all of the sordid past of her boyfriend John the raving homophobic bigot. 

Keith is getting savvier and this time on Exile Island he makes a deal ahead of time to share the information about the location of the hidden immunity idols.  He and Josh open their clues and discuss that they have to be wary that their fellow tribemates, including Jeremy and John, may already have found the idols.  Josh and Keith are bonding as well as a "southern hick" and a "gay guy from New York" can.  Keith is still a little too aware of Josh's homosexuality, and makes some uncomfortable comments, but Rome wasn't built in a day and hopefully this experience will open his eyes.

As night falls, Baylor is working it, girl.  She knows she's the low woman on the guy's totem poll, so she tries to talk to the younger guys on her tribe - Wes and Alec Christy (aka the least annoying Christy brother) - about flipping the script and voting out John next.  They listen and show interest, then Alec tells us in his confessional that he's just stringing her along.  They're playing it the right way.  Lie to her, tell her what she wants to hear, but focus on winning the challenge.  But maybe the idea she's planted will grow once Josh is back at camp.

The Immunity Challenge looks like a spidery maze that took a lot longer to build than the actual competition will last.  It will pit pairs against each other crawling, climbing, dragging, pulling, and pushing and I'm getting exhausted just watching.  With all the physicality involved (including Alec taking a cheap shot at Julie and John later shoving Reed Kelly), the biggest key to this challenge is being able to throw a ball into a basket.  We learned that while Josh and Baylor are a fast twosome, Baylor is not a great shot as they lose both of their rounds thanks to her shooting.  Hunahpu wins again and, ever gracious, Natalie Anderson explodes after the win and decides to go on the attack against John of the losing tribe.

I'm not sure why Natalie is so pissed at John, unless she blames him for the fact that two women, both non-White, have been voted out on his tribe.... Yeah, that does look like his handiwork doesn't it. She calls him a racist, homophobic, and a bad sportsman.  Julie tried to defend her boyfriend John but he doesn't need her help because Dale Wentworth comes to his defense saying, in effect, we don't care what hate John spewed in the past, he's our tribemate and we're solid.  John makes Dale immediately regret coming to his defense when he tells Natalie, "If you were a man, I'd knock your teeth out," and the adding, for good measure, "you look like a man."

At this point, even Julie wishes her boyfriend John would shut his mouth.  Natalie continues to yell at Coyopa that they should vote him out and John mostly keeps his cool.  Finally he says he's willing to throw down and fight but instead Jeff cools things by giving Coyopa their Immunity Idol and sending the losing tribe back to their camp with Natalie's words echoing in their heads.

John is not worried that his teammates will take anything she said to heart and he believes he's in a solid all guy alliance on his tribe.  He regrets that the past is being brought up again and he says he regrets the comments he made in the past and he doesn't quite fall back on the "some of my best friends are" excuse while still pointing out that his closest ally is a gay guy.  John's plan at camp is to deflect attention away from his past is to tell Baylor and Jaclyn that his target is Dale the old guy. Meanwhile, he tells the rest of the guys that his target is Baylor. 

A pretty good plan, until John decides to tell Josh that he has the Immunity Idol.  Warning, warning!!!  You hear the alarm going off in Josh's head as he manages not to look shocked or worried to John.  But the wheels are turning.  Josh already knows that John is volatile and unpredictable, but the fact that he has this advantage makes him dangerous as well.  Josh should also realize that if John is voted out, or forced to play his idol, then it's back up for grabs - and Josh has the clue to where it would be buried.  In a badly edited voice over, John had said he was somewhat concerned that he might be the target tonight, but that seems to guarantee that he isn't. But we'll pin our hopes on that bit of foreshadowing, plus Josh's comment about thinking about targeting John, that Baylor won't be the next domino to fall.

Josh makes a good point in one of his confessionals about the pitfalls of making an alliance too early as he slowly discovers the truth about John.  It's a good idea in life as well not to jump too quickly into things whether reality TV alliances, stereotypes about people or changes in your hair style.  So Josh is now having second, third and fourth thoughts about being allied with someone who he can't trust, let alone respect.  While not officially cutting John loose, Josh says of him, "If I don't have to use him, then I don't want to."

Josh and Wes are hanging out in the water and Josh starts to lie to Wes about how the clue they found on Exile Island was for the other camp, but Wes wises up and asks Josh if he thinks that John has the idol from their camp.  Wes is no dummy.  He saw Josh and John hanging out and figured that John probably told Josh about the idol.  I love when I'm surprised by someone playing the game!  Wes can't wait to throw out the idea of blindsiding John.  Baylor conveniently comes over just as they're setting their plan into motion

Wes tells Alec the plan, but Alec is not keen on the idea of "getting rid of our biggest athlete."  Apparently, Alec hasn't noticed how having John on their team has not resulted in ANY IMMUNITY WINS.  He also forgets that having a strong physical threat with an immunity idol is a bad thing post merge.  So he's nervous and unconvinced about the plan.   Josh isn't feeling too confident either - both John and Baylor think they have an alliance with him and they are the two main targets for the vote.  John tells us that he is bringing his idol to tribal just in case.  Because the last thing you want to do is get voted out holding an idol.

At tribal, the plan was to let John feel confident so he wouldn't play his idol.  Jaclyn did not get that memo.  So she let the potential target, who was sitting with an immunity idol, know that the vote is not a slam dunk.  She dropped clue after clue that he might be in trouble.  She was supposed to pretend that she knew a girl was going out next, that she was relieved it was Baylor and not her.  Nope.  She could not have made it more obvious that there was something else going on.  You know who also didn't get the memo?  Baylor.  Because instead of acting like she knows she's the one and only target, or throwing attention off of John and saying something like, I hope we vote the old guy off, she's also giving off huge, neon bright, freeway billboard sized warnings to John.

Do we even have to tally the votes?  Josh and Wes now know that John HAS to be aware of their plan.  Is it even worth throwing votes his way at this point?  Truly, the only question is does John play the idol, which will still be a minor victory in that it keeps that power out of a strong player's hand.  Oh, and, how much will Missy cry next week when she sees that her daughter Baylor is gone.

WHAT????  The third member voted out is JOHN?????????????  But, but, but.  Any idiot could tell that there might be a fissure in the alliance.  Any idiot could tell that the girls had some hope that one or more of the guys flip and vote against the guys' alliance.  Any idtiot would see the looks passing between the tribe, Josh's discomfort, Jaclyn and Baylor's surprising confidence.  Any idiot knows you don't want to go home with an immunity idol in your pocket.

Well, never let it be said that John Rocker is just any idiot.

Confessionals:
Baylor (4)
John (2)
Josh (6)
Drew
Missy
Keith (2)
Natalie
Jeremy (3)
Julie
Wes
Alec (2)

Recapping Survivor San Juan Del Sur: Blood v. Water Episode Two: You have two what?

When someone describes their inexplicably crazy behavior with the old standby "there's a method to my madness," be wary. What they're telling you is they know that there is no reasonable explanation for their actions, they have no idea what possessed them, and they're really hoping they don't end up in a 48 hour psych hold for what they just did.  Josh tells Baylor that he has a perfectly good reason for why he voted for her at tribal council and neither she nor we the viewers has any idea what he was thinking.  Sure, cast a wonky vote if you want but to do it against your secret ally without telling her first is not a great way to build trust and solidify your alliance.

You know what also doesn't qualify as "method to my madness?"  Pretending you have TWO immunity idols early in the game when your entire goal should be to be as inconspicuous as possible. Val was already in some trouble having been sent to Exile Island the first day and, thus, not having the chance to bond or form alliances with her fellow tribemates.  But she escaped the vote last week when the tribe sent Nadiya out and she wasn't on anyone's radar. So what does she decide to to?  Lie to a potential ally about something that will only make you a huge target in the game  She tells John Rocker (known, of course, for his reticence and equanimity) that she has TWO idols which, if I understand Survivor math, is exponentially a bigger lie than claiming to have one idol.  Even her husband Jeremy would probably try to flush out at least one of those damned idols by voting for her.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  After Josh's head-scratching confession to Baylor, we move to Heroes' Arena and the moment we were waiting for.  What will be Natalie's reaction to finding out that her twin sister Nadiya was the first tribe member evicted?  Well, all of us twinnie haters, how do you feel now?  The poor girl was devastated, stunned, crying and clearly shaken by the realization that she wouldn't be seeing her sister for many days to come.  I realized what a heartless bitch I can be when I'm watching Reality TV and forgetting that the "real" part is that these are real people, with real feelings.  This was terribly sad and I wanted to give that annoying girl a hug, if she promised not to speak for five minutes.  Luckily, she had a surrogate mom, Missy, there to comfort her and she'll soon realize that her chances of winning increased exponentially with her partner out of the game.  Plus, if she ever gets tired, maybe Nadiya can swap in for her and no one will be the wiser!

We have the rock-paper-scissors face off to determine who chooses the duelers in today's battle and since rock won last time,  you knew someone was going to go rogue and throw paper just to mess with us and John Rocker was the bad boy to do it (that's about as exciting as I can make roshambo sound).  John picks himself to battle for the blue tribe, which means the buoyant Julie will go head-to-head in the duel and if it's who can stay under water the longest, he's a lock.  Unfortunately for John that wasn't the challenge and he probably should have taken a gander at the actual competition before choosing to take part.  Perhaps he might have noticed that being ginormously, freakishly tall and broad of shoulder would not be a benefit in this duel and picked someone of normal stature.  He and his big head and bigger upper body were no match for Julie, but he handled losing in typically gracious Rocker-style, saying, it wasn't just bad losing to his girlfriend, what really stung was losing to a girl.  Stay classy, John!

John is off to Exile Island and Julie makes the decision to send him there with Jeremy which is either a strong move to get John to form an alliance with another physically strong competitor or a test to see if John can go 48 hours without saying anything offensive.  Her tribe is about to claim their reward - fishing gear - when Reed tries to negotiate a better deal with Jeff.  Jon had lost their flint and Reed asks Jeff if they can trade their remaining beans for a new flint.  Jeff flashes his signature smile, stuns them with his dimples of doom, and lets them know that he has all the power in this negotiation, they have none.  As he so succinctly puts it, "My life is fine."  They end up surrendering all the fishing gear and much of their dignity for the flint and learning a valuable lesson about trying to one up the Probster.

While John's on Exile Island his not-so-secret identity is revealed back at camp and everyone learns that the hulking sexist is the notorious every-minority-group offending, former Atlanta Braves' pitcher.  Some hope that he's changed over the years, while the game-savvy Josh hopes that the physical threat with the checkered background will act as a lightning rod and be a valuable fall guy in the future.  On Exile Island, Jeremy has also figured out who John is but he's willing to put the past behind if he can turn John into an asset to help Val on their tribe.  He decides to share the clue to the hidden Immunity Idol with John in exchange for him promising to have Val's back.  Oh, yes, John has her back.  How else can he make sure the knife goes into the right spot.

It's Jeff Probt's favorite immunity challenge, the face off where Vytas and Aras famously replayed thirty odd years of sibling rivalry during the first Blood v. Water.  This showdown has nearly as many great moments.  After the first "which blonde is which" showdown (Jaclyn beat Kelley in a tough duel), we had our first blood showdown with Drew going up against his younger brother Alec.  Drew won round one of the relatively tame sibling battle.  Wes seemed to be the underdog as Jeremy looked bigger and stronger, but the younger firefighter pulled off a commanding win (and earned a loud cheer from teammate Val).

Natalie channeled her anger at the opposing team for dispatching her twin into a win (despite John shouting for Val to try a choke hold).  The Jon versus John battle was epic with youth winning out over size (and giving us all a moment to enjoy John's bloody nose).  Then the heartbreaking mother-daughter battle which saw Missy give her daughter a split lip which, after three failed marriages, may not be the worst thing she ever did to Baylor, but still.  But my favorite moment was the Reed versus Josh battle, where one of Reed's blue-buffed teammates could not get his name straight and cheered for Josh.  Of all the negative stereotypes about gays, "they all look alike" is one I missed.  But more likely, it's a case of Drew (or was that Alec) not being the brightest wannabe male model out there. The battle of the old guys was impressive and the farmer Dale kept his team alive and took down the firefighter Keith.  But his daughter pulled out the win in her rematch with Jaclyn and the blue tribe won their second Immunity challenge, fourth win over all.

The yellow team - Coyopa (we're seeing so much of them I actually learned their name, woo!) - comes back, dejected again, from losing.  You'd think they'd be used to it by now.  Dale is proud of his daughter, but disappointed that her victory is sending his tribe to its second tribal council of the season.  He needn't fear.  Not only did he show himself a good competitor, but the guys have a numerical advantage in the tribe and their eyes appear to be set on one of the girls.

Val talks to John in front of their fellow tribemates, rather than taking him aside.  He admits, in front of Jaclyn's earshot, that Jeremy shared the Hidden Immunity Idol clue with him.  Then, inexplicably (and even more inexplicably after Val tries in her confessional to explicate it), she tells John she has two idols, one she found on the island, one back at camp.  She praises her amazing acting skills to us, but John is so unconvinced that he goes looking for the idol at camp and, using the additional clues of seven paces north, finds it.  Parenthetically, I thought he'd overshoot the location, because I didn't imagine anyone would have used his gigantic feet/massive stride to measure and thought his seven steps would be more like twelve for an average-sized castaway, but it was right where he started digging.  Go figure.

John puts the idol around his neck and tells us that he'd like to save it until further in the game, when the athletic types like him are targeted.  So true fans are now sure he's going to be blindsided this episode, with the idol either in his pocket or hidden back at camp.  We're even more convinced when John tells us his goal now is to save Val and his plan involves putting an enormous target on her, making sure she has at least three votes at tribal.  Under what theory of the game is telling the tribe that someone has two immunity idols a way to protect them?  John tells us he has this cockamamie idea of splitting the votes between Val and Baylor because, even though he knows he has the idol, his masterplan is to flush out an idol he had to know didn't exist and in the process betray his promise to Jeremy thereby assuring if he makes the merge, he will be Jeremy's first target. But he get to share in the dumb move of the day award with Val.  He tells Val his stupid plan and at no time does she say, that would work like gangbusters if I really did have an idol. Instead, she believes she has this all figured out.  There will be a three-three split, so if she gets Jaclyn to vote with her, Baylor goes. 

At tribal, battle lines are drawn and it's the two women - Val and Jaclyn - against the guy's alliance plus Baylor.  Val actually launched the first volley, blaming Baylor for playing both sides, but Baylor counters with the fact that she's now in the majority alliance and Val and Jaclyn are the odd ones out.  The guys, including John, are convinced that Val has an idol and stick to the vote-splitting plan and are all stunned when she doesn't play it.  Val shows that she's not great at math because even with Jaclyn's vote, there is still a 4-4 tie in the first round of voting, not 5-3 as she was hoping.  John quickly jumps off the Val train and shifts his vote to Baylor, knowing that there aren't enough votes for Val to make it.  He knows he'll have hell to pay from Jeremy but that assumes that he makes it to the merge which is still a long way off.

Val's departure was not unexpected.  She came in with a numerical disadvantage on her tribe and once Nadiya was picked off, the next least physical female looked to be in trouble.  She also was hurt by being sent to Exile Island the first day and not having had the chance to bond.  But she could have helped herself by being honest with John and helping him come up with a plan to save her.  Her early exit does help Jeremy who would be a big threat to leave otherwise - physically strong, superfan, already sent to Exile.  But it puts Jaclyn clearly in the crosshairs as the last player not in with the main alliance. 

Confessionals:
Josh (3)
Jeremy (2)
Jon (2)
Baylor
Kelley
Missy
Natalie
Dale
John

Survivor San Juan Del Sur: Blood v. Water - First Impressions, first boot

Survivor is back for its twenty-ninth season and showing no signs of slowing down.  Right out of the gate, Survivor: San Juan Del Sur Blood v. Water gave us not only the longest title in the series’ history, but an eclectic cast, new twists and enough cringe-worthy moments to be one of the best first episodes in a long time.  From bedimpled host Jeff Probst yelling at one contestant as if she needed to rescue an infant from an avalanche (“Dig, woman!") to a former The Amazing Race alumna repeatedly uttering a homophobic stereotype that would make fellow contestant John Rocker uncomfortable, there was no shortage of drama.   

The episode began with introductions and as this year the eighteen contestants were paired up, we met each couple on a “Day 0” where their goal was to make fire and not make a horrible first impression on the audience.  Some succeeded better than others.  This year’s Barbie and Ken, Jaclyn Scultz and her boyfriend Jon Misch, aka, “Don’t hate us ‘cause we’re beautiful” started out rough.  Telling us the college football hero is dating the beauty queen is not a recipe for developing rapport with the audience, and blinding us with her breasts and his abs and calling yourselves perfect failed to help their cause.  

Former MLB relief pitcher John Rocker came into the game with his own baggage, a decades-old reputation for a serious case of foot-in-mouth disease.  The hate speech-spewing former Atlanta Brave (among other teams) addressed his bad guy image and promised that he was not the bigot we heard from way back when, while his girlfriend Julie McGee addressed her ample bosom and promised that she was not the siliconed sexpot she appeared to be.  While John did a fair job chipping away at his tarnished image, all Julie accomplished was defying gravity and confounding the rules of physics by literally “standing on her own two feet” the entire episode.

It seemed like we wouldn’t get much time with Baylor Wilson and her lookalike mom Missy Payne with all the monkeys gathering overhead, but the two made it to the next day without being eaten.  Their story is that Missy is not a great judge of husbands and Baylor will forgive her because she gave her great genes.  Drew and Alec Christy are also hard to tell apart, siblings with flouncy surfer dude hair and a watered-down Vytas/Aras rivalry. We also met the farmer, Dale Wentworth, and the farmer’s daughter, Kelley, who seem conflict-free until you hear that they didn’t speak for many years.  They are hoping Survivor brings them closer together and even Russell Hantz would have to be rooting for them to accomplish that.

The next couple are Survivor superfans Reed and Josh, both Broadway performers. Hearing Josh Canfield say that boyfriend Reed Kelly once gave him flint as a present and knowing that Reed has survived being Spiderman on stage, which has proved riskier than anything the jungles of Nicaragua will throw at them, makes them my early picks to go very far.  Police officer Val Collins and her husband firefighter Jeremy also make a strong first impression, with her bossing her tall, athletic husband around while wearing her Boston Strong tee.  There is a rivalry there that should be interesting to see play out.

In the middle of the intros, I have a PTSD-style flashback to The Amazing Race where the twinnies, Nadiya and Natalie Anderson, are on my screen and sniping at each other and finishing each other’s…sandwiches…and then I remember that they are here, on my favorite Reality TV show, and I will just have to deal with it.  Until someone creates an app to remove them from whatever show they’ve managed to nag and whine their way onto.   

Next is the obligatory “why don’t we have captions for them” pair of Louisiana firefighters, father and son Keith and Wes Nale.  God love them, that is one hard accent to follow at my advanced age.  They immediately break all stereotypes of southern outdoorsy men by sucking at making a fire.  Kudos, trailblazers, break down those barriers.  I hope they go far, or at least Keith, he of the great soundbites: “You’re about as mentally strong as that rock.” 

With the initial impressions out of the way, it’s time to bring the players together and then break them off into two teams whose names we will never learn and instead default to calling them by buff color.  So we have the yellow and the blue teams meeting for the first time at Hero’s Arena, formerly the site of the Redemption Island battles.  Hallelujah, huzzah, and hurrah, there will be no Redemption Island this year and when Jeff snuffs your torch is stays snuffed.  Instead, Exile Island is back from…exile?  Having last been used in Survivor: Tocatins, it will be interesting to see how the Blood v. Water twist affects the dynamics and strategy of Exile Island.  

The first surprise of the season was the lack of duplicity.  Jeff asks the assembled players about their first night on the island and their success with the flint, and no one lied?  What show are they on?  You either lie and say you made fire, to look like an asset to your future team, or you lie about not making fire to hide your strength.  But telling people the truth, it’s like I don’t even know you people.

Once the two tribes are formed, some find it hard to separate their relationships from the game, others say bring it on.  Jeremy in particular is struggling with playing against the love of his life; his wife Val looks like she doesn’t even recognize him as the father of her two children.  Someone is in game mode! Yet it’s Jeremy who ends up trouncing Val in the first luxury duel of the season (despite Jeff's shouting at her to "dig deep, woman!"), sending her to Exile Island in the process.  He does, however, make a savvy move in sending Keith to accompany her.  An older, outdoorsy, not terribly attractive guy is always an ideal candidate for two secluded nights on an island with your wife.

Less savvy was Jeremy’s early alliance building. While alliances are the backbone of the show, you can play too hard too early and without all the information you really need, so his paternalistic approach to bringing all the women in under his protection may not prove successful in the long run.  But he certainly wins for fastest alliance as he brings Kelley, Natalie, and Missy onto his side, humbly and not at all sexistly telling us that all the girls want to hang with the prom king.  Honorable mention in this segment to the thrice-divorced Missy talking about trusting her gut instincts when it comes to men and the cameraman taping her not busting out into raucous laughter..

While the focus on the blue team is in forming bonds, the yellow team is working on their shelter and trying to start a fire.  There are three super young kids – Alec, Baylor and Wes – the late twenty-early thirties group (who would be the Geritol set on this year’s Big Brother) and one actually old person. Dale, at 62, is by far the senior member of the tribe and he’s instantly on the outs due to his age and his lack of experience hanging with large groups. But he makes a statement by breaking his reading glasses in half, stacking one lens atop the other, and using them to start a fire, moving from gramps to bad ass.

The Delusional Castaway award goes to Drew who thinks he’s recognizable because he did some modeling and who thinks his efforts at “levitating” a shelter will make him the alpha male in a tribe that boasts two firemen, a former college football star and the girlfriend of a ex-big league player.  No one is impressed with your construction skills, Spicoli.  Runner up is John Rocker who thought he could go incognito at over seven feet tall and with that John Rocker-ish face.  It takes no time at all for the Louisiana duo to recognize and out him.

After taking an instant dislike to pretty-boy Jon, I’m sucker punched with the story that his father was recently diagnosed with an incurable tumor and I now feel like the worst person ever and want only good things for him from here on out.  I should have listened to the twinnies warn about judging books by their covers, but I’ve been trained after two TARs not to listen to anything they say.  

The first immunity challenge is a combination of teamwork, strength, and smarts and ultimately the team better at figuring out the complicated puzzle comes out on top.  Nerds around the world, rejoice!  Still, it was impressive seeing the sheer determination and physicality of the losing yellow team as they grabbed and threw players up and over the obstacle like rag dolls and it is more likely that the weaker ones will still be blamed for the loss. 

Scrambling before the first visit to tribal council should involve just one strategy, the infamous "anyone but me" that brought Sandra Diaz two Survivor victories.  Your goal should be to lay low, deflect attention and find any excuse to target anyone but you.  So what does Nadiya manage to do?  She draws attention to herself and paints herself as an easy target.  There was Dale, all old and not fitting in and did I mention old and he would have been the most likely first victim.  Even Val had problems going in as she had spent days away from her tribe, potentially bonding with someone from the other team while not having the chance to build a relationship with her tribe.  

So all Nadiya had to do was keep her mouth shut...who am I kidding?  She wouldn't have been cast for a third stint on a Reality TV show if she could control her tongue.  So she starts talking, mistake number one.  But then she says that she wants to join with Josh because, as a gay man, he's just like one of the girls. She says that not once, but three separate times.  

Meanwhile, Dale has figured out that he's the low man on the totem pole so he can't just sit back and watch what happens.  He needs to give his teammates another name to consider and he just happens to stumble across the perfect person.  Nadiya.  He reminds them of her cut throat gameplay on the Amazing Race and that is enough to give the guys a reason to focus on someone.  Still, she's more physically fit than Dale and less of a liability to their game and should withstand this attack, as long as she can keep her... well, you know..

Baylor had taken Josh aside earlier in the day and told him that she wanted to vote with him in a secret side alliance.  She tells him that the girls want Dale out, he knows that the guys want to vote out Nadiya and as a Survivor superfan he knows not to give a soundbite that says as the swing vote he's in the best position because that is the last quote from you they'll use just before your blindside.  So we get to tribal and it's clearly between the old guy and the twin and it looks like it's up to Josh who will go.  

We're reminded that tribal council may be a set, but it is in an actual jungle and not the CBS lot when the usually unflappable Jeff clearly flinches at the sounds the neighborhood monkeys are making as they plan their attack. But he quickly regroups and starts grilling the tribe on their first three days.  Val feels on the outs because of her stint on Exile Island, Dale reminds everyone that he made fire, saved the day, rescued puppies, brought forth life and saved them from extinction, and Nadiya discusses how they're one big happy family.  Notice Josh wince when he hears that. 

After some prodding, Wes spills that there is a tight three guy alliance, that because of his age Dale is not it in, and that Josh has a unique position as the best liked person in the tribe.  As he goes on to describe how adept Josh is at empathizing and sympathizing, Nadiya chimes in her agreement.  But then she has to add that Josh is so good at this because he's just one of the girls.  When Jeff either 1) tries to give her an out or 2) gives her a bigger shovel so she can dig herself a deeper hole by asking her if she's saying this because Josh is gay, Nadiya says yes!  She wouldn't call any of the straight guys "girlfriend."  And John Rocker says a special prayer to the PR gods in the sky thanking them for giving him the chance not to look like the most bigoted person this season.

The castaways go vote, Jeff "tallies," and Nadiya is sent packing.  The only mystery remaining is who voted for poor Baylor?  She was on no one's radar and didn't seem to do anything wrong.  During the credits, we see that it was Josh!  Baylor had broken with the girl's alliance and voted for Nadiya (no doubt as Josh told her to), but then he switched his vote.  Next week we'll see if there's any blowback from the wonky vote, whether there was any strategy behind it, and how the alliances look after the vote.  But by far the most emotional moment will be when Natalie learns that her twinnie is gone and that they'll be apart for the longest time in their lives if she makes it to the end.  Will she want to continue without her sister, who will finish her sandwiches in her sister's absence, and will John fill the bigot vacuum?  Tune in next time for Survivor.